APO

Me, with my crazy mind and ugly hand writing

There will come a time  that you will feel so alone and on your own, so lost in life. Thinking that darkness may never end and forever you'll suffer but life is kind for it allows a flicker of light. This light symbolizes hope, goodness and happiness for life is not all about bitterness but sweetness too, it's a combination of everything that is conflicting.

When I decided to shift and transfer three years ago, I thought it was just a decision about school and the course I'm taking. I did not know what will happen to me then and I don't know even what to do. But man is great in blending in with everything that is happening thus I know I'll be fine.

Now, well, in deed I'm fine but not so well, I thought I'll never face any conflicts again for I told myself that in this second chance of mine, I'll be simple and normal so that there will be no hassle but I was wrong. In deed, sometimes life just decides for you, it brings you to things that maybe in a way is really for you but your just in denial and too lazy to do it.

When I started my life here at SAC, all I'm planning to do is to be an ordinary student who will just pass the four years life of college in silence. During my first year, I ignored every organization and activity there is in school except of course for the Student Catholic Action of the Philippines/SCAP which I have been part since high school but freshmen year became very ordinary and normal with no hassle except that sometimes I'm being invited by the GSO to host their program.

I thought that it was a good start until days before the opening of my second year that I received a call. I was asked to host the orientation and welcome program for freshmen and transferrees, I thought it was like last year hosting a small program in school but I was so wrong for it marks the beginning of something new for me.

I thought, I was crazy to try it and I'm so nervous that's why I was late

It open my doors to chances and eager as I am, took the chance. It started with me joining the election for remaining officers of the SACSR. The leader in me was awaken, I was inspired to do something not only for myself but for my fellow student. I was elected as councilor and appointed as the secretary. It was a crazy life but a meaningful one, being a leader has always been a life for me but never in my wildest dream that I thought of taking the highest position, taking the lead for I know that I may be capable but I'm lazy. What happen last year was a great changer, being elected as the vice president, I was responsible to step in as the president. I thought the whole world fell in me for I know it was not an easy task but I don't have a choice but to stand and be strong. No matter how hard I try, life opposes me with my laziness, misunderstandings, conflicts and my sickness became barriers which hinders me to do things I wanted to do. I know that I'm the worst president that have ever been in the position but what will I do if I'm all alone. But no matter how bad life has been, I'm thankful for the chance I was given. I know that it has not been a good journey but the lessons learned are beyond anything and surely will help me to be a better person.

The early days, attending seminars together, learning things that would help in developing us as writers

SACTV, an experience we shared together

seeing  and experiencing things happen together

enjoying the lights

we're not only an organization but in deed we're a family

I'm happy and blessed to meet and be surrounded with these people

The change I must face but thank you so much for being there always at my side

Nothing can beat my pub life

the past, present and future

many may come and go but the memories will stay forever

the journey we must take may be long but we will get there no matter what

we may be together or alone in the end but we will be connected forever

I'm the kind of person who is never contented with life thus it's no shock that I joined the Anthonian Publication too. Writing had always been my outlet in expressing what I truly feel but I know I'm not good at it for I lack training but it did not hinder me in trying to apply for the school publication. My aim was just to pass and be a writer but I'm so blessed to be chosen as the Assistant Magazine Editor. Pub life is quite different, surrounded by different type of people with same passion in writing. They all have something which makes the office special, the conflicting attitudes, the mood swings, the unending talks, the silent treatments and a lot of other things made the pub our very own paradise and hell. Paradise in a sense that it is our office which we truly feels that we belong, our own tambayan especially when we don't feel like listening to our classes, our free movie house, snack bar and finally it's just our home away from home. Hell in a way that it's hot every time deadlines approaches and we get silent treatments because of our being pasaway which turns us staffers to hating the office, the publication and most of all our EIC who we love so much but hate a lot when she's turned into this bitch, hehehe.

I have come a long way being a writer, my skills really did improved for I just don't know how to write but I was able to write articles which are worthy to be published. I learned the difference between a news, column, editorial, feature, reviews, sports news, stories and poems. The feeling of expressing yourself and allowing people to relate to it. Seeing your name in the by line, seeing or hearing people's reaction about your article, receiving praises from your readers but the best feeling is just being able to write and expressing what you feel, it's a good way of relieving your stress.

Being part of the publication did not only developed me as a writer but it gave me the chance to meet great people whom I now consider as my good and close friends. People whom I trusted a lot, the people whom I shared a lot of secrets, people whom I can allow myself to be me when I'm with them, the only people who saw me cry my heart out and smile and be happy absolutely. People whom I treasure a lot and I'm very thankful to be with, you made my stay at school the best time of my college years.

The publication, the office, you staffers are the great things of being at SAC. The moments we have shared together, seminars or contest, our adventures and even the normal days at the office are memories that I'll never forget. I know that I have been gone lately, away from you and being an inactive member and I'm very sorry about it. God knows how much I wanted to be a staffer but I'm just in a situation that I don't know anymore what to do and to prioritize, is it my sinking studies, my hell responsibility as the president or the happy life at the pub. I know that I could not do everything, I need to choose but I can't and maybe it's better this way but I know it's not right. Life in hell will be gone soon, few more months and I'm out, school and my studies will be the same and I hope that the publication will still open its door for me and give me the chance to redeem myself.

I know how lost I am right now but my hopes are high and I'll do my best to be back on track. As I have always said, it's not the end of everything as long as your breathing and alive. Life is full of chances despite the challenges and choices that comes your way. As the publication had taught me that life is like an article, nothing will be published if you won't right a thing but in order to write you need research, experiences, adventures and a lot of other stuff. It is not easy but the fulfillment is beyond anything after seeing that article being read by somebody for beyond those articles are stories of ups and downs of you as a writer, beyond it are hidden adventures you have taken just to be able to write the articles and most of all, those are expressions of your feelings within.

We decide for our self and we are the one who makes our life the way it is and what we need to do is do the WRITE thing. 

Negative Vibes?

Life is not always perfect as the happy endings on fairy tales. It has antagonist which is so hard to defeat but it is possible. We just need a bright mind, a strong heart and an eager soul.

Depressions…

I know that nobody could be perfect but why can’t I be contented for being me. I mean I know my weaknesses but I don’t do a thing to change it. On the same time, I always see myself as somebody who is not worthy of appreciations while I envy a lot of people.

I know that the first thing to do in order to be seen as somebody by others is by seeing me first that way. I know that I should not look down on myself for I’m not but I keep on doing it. The problem is that I don’t have the drive to go and prove myself for maybe life has brought me a lot of rejections thus I started to give up. But life is too short to stay in despair, I should act and do something, make a change even how hard it could be.

Hardships…

The moment I have known about my condition, I felt so weak. I thought life has cursed me but I know I still can do a lot of things. But what the mind can’t think is impossible if the body won’t permit it. But no matter what, I’ll never give up on live for I want to live and be young, wild and free.

Sadness…

Sometimes, I feel so alone and now I feel so sad more especially in his coming absence. But life is not always served on a silver platter so I understand. But I can’t deny how painful it is to be on your own. Indeed, life is better if you shared it with other people for no man is an island. Sadness is just the absence of happiness and so bring back the joy and start smiling.

Problems…

Life’s challenges are unending and it depend on us on how we face it. We can ignore it that seems like it never existed, we can try solving it and quit when we can’t handle it any longer or be strong and defeat it. For every problem is chance to learn and grow and be the person you can be proud of. Glitch are just test to see how strong we are in facing the adventures life has to offer.

I know time will come that all of this will be gone and in the end it will leave you lessons. In the end, we make our own problem so let’s be cautious in the journey we venture. Problems can be stressfull but life without stress is death for living means facing obstacles.

Be strong and be proud to be you for life is given once and once you allowed something to pass your way, it will be so hard to bring back those finished things. Hope and confidence is what we need to pursue this life of ours…

Pasaway ako...

It’s so hard if all your life, you have tried to be good to please people and then in a blink of an eye, all will be change because of a single mistake. I know I’m not perfect and I always do what is wrong but not to the extent of dangering myself and other people. Is it so wrong to follow what my heart desires, to enjoy and be happy with life? I know I’m wrong to keep it as a secret but will people understand us and accept us openly? I don’t want to hide from the people I love but I’m just looking for the right time but I guess there’s none. Please understand my undertakings and give me time for soon I will be doing what is right.

Despite my withholdings, be assured that I always think of what is right and proper. I always think of what people will say but does it matter what others think and should I care. No matter how hard we try to do what is right people will always judge and say something bad. It does not matter if you’re close or distant because people are such judgmental but you know I don’t care and it does not affect me at all for what matters is me, him and my family.

Good thing my family is so great, they understand and is open about everything. It is so great to be with people who loves and does not judge. People who supports, no matter what other people say, they who believe and trust despite all the rumors. I know that sometimes, I feel so unlucky but life never forgets to remind me that I’m such a lucky gal.

Yeah! Life can’t be always perfect but it does not matter for all I’m after is to live, love and laugh. Now, I truly have it all and I wish it stays like that for a long time or forever if it can be. I don’t care if what other people thinks about it because what matters more is what I think and feels about it. Challenges are normal and with great people on my side, I can always surpass it. In the end, life is indeed simple but it is not that easy. Smile and the whole world will, laugh and they will be bitter but don’t mind them cause you know sometimes, you only need one rotten fruit to damage everything if you allow it.

I don't know...

God knows how hard I try to give us a chance, to teach my heart to fall for somebody right but then it made me realized in the end that it is really hard to teach your heart how to love for it knows how to. You're such an amazing person, I will be forever grateful to have met you and be your friend. You're one of the closest guy in my life and that's the problem for once your in my friends zone, you can no longer go elsewhere. Hope that no matter what happen, our friendship will still be the same. I know that I'll hurt you but I pray that time will heal all the wounds that I might cause. My love for you is different but it's not for something of romantic in a way but please keep in mind that you matter a lot to me and whatever happen, you'll always be the best friend I'm happy and thankful to have.

Right is the perfect word to describe you

I myself can't believe that it's true

Charming and loving you have always been

Helping me in everything I face

And being there to give me strength

Ready to do anything for my sake

Dreaming I may thought but you're so real

Being you might be so hard

Accepting and living life perfectly despite the imperfections

Building a better world out of nothing

Everything is possible for you too bad us is not part of it

I have tried to think about the best way to do it but I know there is no such thing. If only I can divide myself into two then everything would work out but still I doubt if my other half can love you. You have been the few angels in my life and I'm so afraid of loosing you but making a fool out of you is not what I want. I know that I must do what I ought to do and hope that fate would be good and make the sailing of our bond, perfectly smooth.

Stress Go Away...

What started as a great day turned out being bad. I know I'm not doing what is always right but I have my reasons and if only you know. I'm not the kind of person who is open about everything and who can always express my feelings. I don't want to bother people about my difficulties in life, I face my own sorrows even if it means I'm on my own. I know chances only knocks once but it is so unfair that others are being let go while I'm always considered the offender. Sometimes doing your best and being on the center of everyone's attention is not a good thing for at times when you make mistakes, it is seen so badly and you're being judged without even given the chance of defending yourself. Life is not cruel but the people your living with and the worst thing is that they are the worst people in the world and they're the meanest. I don't care what you think or say about me as long as I know that what I'm doing is right and I'm not pulling other people down. I know that no matter how hard I try to do what is right, people will always have something bad to say...

I know that I will never be perfect

Have my fairy tale ending

And be forever ecstatic in my fantasy

The truth is life can be so cruel

Everything is possible and impossible

Yet, I should never loose hope

Oasis may be very hard to find

Ultimately it can be a loss but never forget the chance of winning

I'm Sorry...

I know my mistakes, I know I'm wrong but I'm just human. With all my faults, I learn from it and grow to being stronger and more confident. I know I will never be perfect nor even right but I know what is wrong from right. I know I always cause you pain but please understand that I'm just venturing the adventure life has to offer. I know you won't always understand but please be kind and don't make a big deal out of everything. I'm old enough to decide for myself despite the fact that I'm still dependent on you but can you just be supportive and give me space.

Growing up, you have always been at my side, guiding and providing me with everything I need and want. I know how blessed I am and I'm very thankful but there will come a time that I need to be on my own. I know you only want the best for me but nobody knows what I want and need more than me, myself. I want to express myself but talking will just make things worse but I know my silence is doing the same. I know saying sorry is not enough but please have fate in me cause whoever I will be it's all because of you. For everything I'll do, I'll always think of you, your lessons and teachings will be always in my mind, heart and soul.

Journey in life was made simple for us

Entirely, it was because of you

No words can best describe you

Nothing can go wrong,

If you were always at our side

From the beginning you were there

Everything, we owe it to you

Repaying you will never be enough

Cash is no good at all

Only one thing is suitable for you

Love that is true, pure and endless

One thing that we can give you forever

Memories we shared

Every breath I breathe

Reminds me of you

Damn You!

I don't live to be perfect but to enjoy life.

I live for myself, not to please other people.

I'm not a saint nor evil.

I'm not perfect but I'm not bad.

Hate me or love me, I don't care.

But don't talk shit about me.

For you don't want me to be mad.

You don't want to awaken the evil in me.

I just hate people who have nothing to do.

But destroy other people.

People who keep talking bad about others.

Without thinking about their own self.

I'm so mad when people talk shit about me.

For I'm not doing anything against them.

I don't even care about them.

People are just so damn and they will always be like that stupid as hell.