Aishiteru

                I started not believing in fairy tales, the moment I realized that happy endings don’t always exist after all I’m not a princess nor it is possible for me to find a prince. I know perfection is a myth for I keep on falling and breaking but I know that no matter how unending my downfall is I can still go on as long as I move forward. I know that dreams are just pigment of my imagination and that I should wake up and face the reality at front. At first, we tend to know about the impossible and believe on it until we realized how difficult and impractical it is so we see the truth and know that life can be wicked but it is great.

                As a child who always thought how wonderful the world is, I never thought that there is such thing as horrifying around me. Until I grow older and faces them on my way, I realized how imperfect and crazy it is to live but on the same time being alive is a gift, a chance, a blessing meaning it is something that means a lot.

                With maturity comes more understanding about the meaning of once presence in this world we call earth. Maybe, one of those things which is closely important as life itself is love. I always find it odd that the hardest things in this world to figure are four-letter words like life, love, evil, pain, hate and etc. But I believe that the next important thing to life is love and as human, it troubles us a lot.

                Loving is both a blessing and curse. It can make or break people. In a simple sense just like anything in this world, love is like a double-sided sword whether we accept it or not. It can provide both positive and negative effect in a person or both persons involved.

                I always consider love as a mystery that is so present but hard to figure out. I had my fair share of experiencing how to fall in love, be in love and fall out of it. Young as I may but I know everyone that have undergone the journey of love have done those things. The butterflies and sparks of electricity in the beginning as you plunge in the adventure of love, the happiness and hardships of staying on that so called relationship and of course the worse endings that pains. But no matter how repetitive love can be, we people don’t give up on it for we know that in time that one special person will come and complete you as a person, finally he or she will conclude your expedition alone for one will become two and eventually be one in heart.

                No age, no status, no standards, I mean nothing qualifies as a perfect love or an ideal partner. It can come in the moment least expected to anybody. Thus, no wonder, I had my fair share of it. The experiences I have are learning and memories that I will always remember but how long or short the relationship have been does not assure the probability of a successful bond between two people. They say that loving somebody is giving that someone the right to hurt you. Indeed, it happens, painful is not enough to describe the feeling for it feels like hell but instead of damaging yourself, you need to learn to accept the ugly truth and move on because when a door closes, a window opens. End of love is a chance for new beginnings in romance.

                Relationships come and go but the feeling of being in love will always remind you of how great love is. I have fall in and out of love with a guy for a million times. I have been hurt, lied, angered and other damaging stuff had happened but still I am an absolute believer of love and is always open minded about it. Indeed, I have my fears but I am weak to ignore the feeling. If blood allows us to live, the feeling of love keeps us going. I was so young when I allowed myself to enter the portal of romance which turned into a horrible fiction but I believe that with age comes change and with change come growth. But as we grow older, things become more complicated to be handled but it should not be a hindrance to anyone.

                I never thought I would say goodbye to you for I have thought that I will forever share life with you. I don’t know what happen between us but one thing I’m sure is that it’s about time we let go and move forward. God knows how hard I tried to keep the relationship work but shit happens which could not be stopped, ignored and eventually it damages. Saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do especially to somebody you love and you have considered important but let us not ignore the fact that it is not working anymore. It pains me, everything that is happening but staying in the relationship won’t solve the glitch but will make it worse. Before we destroy each other more, I guess it is about time to let go and set free each other. You will be always special to me and it sadden me that it was not a happy ending for both of us but eventually we will have that so called ending but sadly not with each other but with different people.

                People always see me so strong but they don’t know how weak I am especially when we talk about emotions and feelings. I have tried to make sense of everything, indeed I could not disregard the truth that I am truly a thinker. I wanted to say it and explain stuff personally but it is impossible but I hope that we both understand and agree, I wish you all the best in life especially the happiness that you truly deserve. I apologize for everything especially for giving you miseries and I hope in time we learn to forgive and forget and maybe just maybe we can be friends.

                Goodbyes are always hard but reality should be faced and not to be snub. For with acceptance, comes the urge and strength to move forward and continue with the unknown. In time, things will eventually make sense and will be better. Shit comes and go but we have one life to live so live it at the moment.

Notion...

                Life is so precious, every moment matters, whether good or bad, it made everything the way it is because of each single instances but still time will come when you think back about the past. The wrong things you did, the bad situation, the ugly moments, you want them all to be repeated, to be erased, to be forgotten but time passed could not be return anymore, all we have is memories.

                Looking back in the dark lane of life can be hideous but it can also be worth to remind one self and to learn from it. After all, nobody is perfect and nobody is meant for perfection for uniqueness will be gone once it can be achieved. Instead of thinking about those lame stuffs just think of the lessons it gave, the experience and the feeling it caused.

Mind over matter

                Living alone is never easy, the hardest part is sustaining life itself physically or primarily financially. Thinking about the past, remind me of how dumb was I, not thinking about the future but only the present and my own happiness. My lavish spending may not be grandeur as rich people are but in my level, it was too much. Especially because I never thought how extravagant I am living, I thought I was just fine. The time when I lost an earring, a necklace or a ring, any fine jewelry that always has meanings for it was given by people who are dear to me but I was careless to take care of it when I was younger. But it was even dumber of me to pawn it and never took it back. Those jewelries are just physical matters but I never thought it’s essence for survival until now that I have nothing.

Me and my big mouth

                I have always been the talkative one but I don’t talk senseless, I know that for a fact. I never thought I’ll lose my voice, my confidence in expressing my thoughts, feelings and my soul but I am now. Seems like I lost the will and the urge of saying something for the fear of making a mistake, I remember how mean of me to stay stuff that was brought more of my anger than what I should really say. The words I can say as judgments not even thinking of giving a doubt or knowing more. Yeah, sometimes my brain really shut down just to allow my stupid big mouth to blabber so I always need to be cautious.

Mistakes after mistakes

                I don’t agree with the idea that man makes mistakes just simply because of being human for we have brains to think, heart to feel and a soul to connect everything but still we end up doing wrong things. one thing I know and I’m sure is that we know we are making a mistake and we know it is wrong but still we continue in doing it for the brain is sometimes get pause simply because we want to. I know it is wrong but sometimes we distract our self from what is supposed to be in order to have what we want to be. Selfless it is at times and we forgot reality that in the end we suffer the consequences of those decisions and actions. The dumbest thing is not learning from it and repeating it again and again then we just say sorry for being humans. We are given brain to use it not to shut it down and whether we have an idea or not of what we are doing, in the end we must be ready for the effects of our choices and acts. After all, nothing happens unless we allow it to happen, we hold the path on where our life will go.

                Yeah, I am dumb so what? I don’t care because that is who we are as humans, we are dumb and living is learning, understanding everything in order to make life worthwhile. It is heart breaking and may cause sadness even tears but we should never forget the teachings it give in order to lead our path, maybe not in the right way but at least in the path where we are meant to be.

Amour ala Cyber world

Inside the world of systems and programs in technology’s creation is a world everyone knows and enjoyed but a world full of uncertainties, what may this do with one lost soul?

                I am lost, I am uncertain and not sure of what to do in my life which is so new to me. I am Cassidy, a 23 years old province girl from the Philippines. Despite geographical location, I’m not clueless about the stuff happening around me. I have been alone for two months now after I decided to run away from home and have my freedom and independence. It sucks to live the life you always know and venture the world starting over. With no home, job and anybody to run to, life is just so meaningless but I am a survivor and I’ll never give up on life. I lost my home but I can find a new one, I can find a job despite everything and maybe meet new people to be surrounded with to bring back the meaning that was lost.

                I can never forget that day when I decided to pack my bags and just leave with 3000 pesos on my pocket, who would believe I survive for two months. I went to the city and check in to a cheap hotel. Contacted my aunt and found a good boarding house then I am on the bus stop at the moment. Waiting what to do next and thinking how to start a new life from nothing. I plan of relocating, working and studying on the same time but man needs money so I need to find a job first. Job hunting is not hard but requirements are hard so life is moving slow for me.

                My usual day routine is as simple and crap, wake-up, eat breakfast, take a shower, do some chores, eat dinner then sleep. I figure out that this is not living and the way I want it to be thus I decided to buy a broadband and go online. My usual social networking site is of no use anymore thus I tried to find a new world and I found it with Chat Avenue. I started hanging out at the college chat rooms, it was fine at first until you figured out that everyone there are just perv but I am happy to meet a friend though it did not last at all. I took a vacation with my aunt and in my return check out general chat and there I found home. I met people and made connections, it was a cool world of different people but friendly people. We argue about stuff or dream about things, cyber life is a blast.

                Now my everyday surrounds at being online inside the chat room and it is never dull but fun. I never thought everything is possible inside the cyber world but it is. Here I met one person, I never thought I will be attached with but I am. We told stuff that is so personal and it just happen, we both fell it, and we fell in love. Is it really love and can it be possible within and beyond this cyber world? No one can tell but time will decide wherever this goes. For now, I am happy to be in this world, meeting and talking to people, making connections. They give my life a sense of meaning, a sense of fun and I will be forever grateful.

My thoughts

Dark Soul

                As requested by the person itself so I oblige lol.

                You came in a way that people know your presence with a name and font that catches attention. Your love for darkness is same as your love for people and me like that in you. Often stays at his dark corner so my advice is to have some light, if light burns have some candles then.  You maybe a dark soul but a good soul, you bring the goodness and happiness in the darkness. Continue being you dark. Thank you for the friendship, mwah!

What now?

                Oh yeah with all the drama last night I am very affected but having a sleep made me realize that just like me, people fall in and out of love and you can’t stop that feeling so if people hate me, I don’t care anymore. I will continue on loving despite the hate for my heart is pure and forgiving. I will continue to understand and be not affected by the hate for life is too short to let problems matter. I am all smiles and happiness now and forever.

The Real Deal

                This is what I wanted to write today:

                In this crazy and creepy world full of unknown are thing that we could not deny that may exist but still we are so unsure. I have my own share of creepy stuff so here it is.

The man in my sleep

                I don’t know why but whenever I sleep wrongly, someone comes and visits me in a way that I end up losing my breath. Everytime I sleep on my back and started to visit dreamland, I get the feeling that someone is laying on top me in a way that is suffocating me. I try to wake up, talk and move but I could not, a can see a figure of a face with horns and evil. so I close my eyes and pray, hoping this creep leave me and it did thus I try to never sleep on my back

Dreams and nightmares

                Sometimes leaving reality is a blessing but at times a curse. In my slumber, I have dreams and nightmares but I wish that the second will just leave or be forgotten. Whenever I dream badly, I try to wake up and if I did, I go into multiple instances of waking up in multiple places. It sucks but I know I need to keep on trying to wake up because I may end up stuck in dreams and nightmares which are never good.

Black Cat

                Superstitious belief state that black cat is bad luck everytime it walks in front of you but then the world is flooded by feline especially in my neighborhood. We used to have a black cat and at first I was hesitant at its presence but soon enough love it until it died and left us with its silver kids which are now annoying. Now that I left home, I am usually visited by a black cat with green eyes. I know he comes to check on the garbage but it creeps me out. It comes at night when everyone’s at sleep and if I shoo it off, it will stop and look me into the eyes and jump out. I don’t know why but I feel so scared about that tiny little feline, I have always been afraid of cats, black or not, I don’t like them for they scratch and poops around. When they meow it feels like there talking and I get irritated, I know silly me but I hope cats will leave me soon.

                Well that’s it for today, so fox if you have the chance to read this, see I did not write about you. Maybe next time, well I am creep out by a lot of stuff but for now that’s all I can remember, adios!

Who am I?

                Anywhere we go, we are asked by one common question, who are you? We usually give facts but do we really know who we are? Figuring oneself is like a puzzle but time will come that we can so here is my answer to my own puzzle.

                I was born December 26, 1991 in Cabatuan, Iloilo to Mr. Cerilo M. Colomer & Mrs. Jennifer E. Colomer. I was named Stephanie after St. Stephen, the martyr, the saint of the day I was born, Acey was added by my aunt it originated from the word ace which means first. My name therefore stands for martyrdom at its finest and I do good by name making it true. People call me in a lot of ways sometimes they give me various nicknames but I like to be called Acey for I want to be first but not a martyr.

                I was raise in the tiny little town of Barbaza with my mother, grandparents, aunt and my brother John Leonard. My upbringing in the province is not that bad, it did not even close my doors to the real world. Both of my parents were working, my father is into catering business at Riyadh, Saudi Arabia while my mother is a teacher in our town. I was totally raised by both of my grandparents and aunt but my grandmother died and my aunt went working abroad so I ended up growing up early and maturing to take care of my brother and do everything my mother can’t for I know how dedicated is she with her work and I admire her for that and hate her at times.

                Growing up and being the one in-charge made me a strong person but I enjoyed my life, always being the mature one, the one you can run to and depend on, a person ready to help. Happiness for me is being with and helping people I love and care about. I find solace in school and the sense of learning thus I started studying at three years old. I keep on repeating preparatory level three times, cried my heart out to be in the first grade by six and finished high school at age 16. I took up nursing for two years and shifted to accounting due to medical reasons and the rest is still unknown.

                I love a lot of stuff. I love God, my family and everyone around me matters a lot for they make my life a paradise. I love procrastinating, reading, writing, watching movies or tv, surfing the web, eating, talking, hanging out and doing new stuff or taking an adventure. I also adore happy and nice people while I hate those who are mean, bad and fake. I hate back stabber and chit-chatter, I just hate haters and pessimist but I am a peace loving person so I don’t usually judge and gives everyone the reasonable doubt and chance to redeem oneself but anger and pain me and you’ll see the darkness in me. I am a great friend but even a greater enemy, rawr! I forgive but seldom forget so beware because I am aware. I am happy go lucky and just real, I don’t stress but have fun, have a laugh and just like enjoying stuff after all life is a 24/7 party, lol!

I am a dreamer, I wanted to be a soldier, a nun, nurse, lawyer, journalist and work on a bank or a company. I want to be a good cook especially baking and travel the world taking pictures. I want to own a resort, a restaurant, a café and bakeshop. I want to live outside the country and come home when I get older. I want to publish a book someday, be a teacher or a psychologist and maybe be an advised giving column writer. I want to make a difference in people’s life that I can touch their mind, heart and soul to make the world a better place to live in. I want to be married someday on a private wedding in a church with someone I will loved forever and share a life with my two kids, a boy and a girl. I want to be successful but still enjoy life. I want to be forever happy and nice.

                I am like a double bladed sword for in everything I am, I do, I say is two conflicting instance. I can smile and be happy despite crying, sadness, having problems and anything worst. I say I’m fine even if I’m not, I say okay despite the fact that I wanted to say no. I give without expecting to receive, I am just selfless. Most of all, I love more than I am being loved.

                Whatever life may brings me, I will keep on fighting and never give up on it because I maybe not a fighter but I am a lover of life so that’s me for now. Toodles!

My Cyber Life

Gone were the days when men and women talk and mingle in person. We say goodbye to the days when we need to go out to talk and be with people. With technology, everything is possible, meeting people is a click away. I never thought I would enjoy meeting people online until I starts using chat avenue, yeah I know that I have a life outside but for now I need a time alone and the net helps me human. Hanging out online, meeting and talking to people was hard at first until I found my place and felt really happy, never felt this way before and I’m very thankful so let me share with you the wonderful world of cyber friendship also know as chat rooms.

Dan

                I started at college chat, well I’m in college, aren’t i? lol, talking to myself, well 99% of the people there are pervs and not even in college and only few are true but I met one person who I thought is a friend but still considered a friend though.

                I am never good with expressing my feelings but I never thought I could share it online and Dan was the first person I talked about it. It was funny talking to somebody who understands and it feels good to know that somebody is listening. He was good, he was nice and everything, we even added in other in facebook but I don’t know what happen, he unfriend me I think or my boyfriend did but whatever I’m grateful; to found a friend in times that I deeply need one.

General Chat

                After a month I decided to check the other rooms and there I found my home, in the general chats. Days after being here, I feel so accepted and my day won’t be complete without visiting it.

                I met a lot of people and made bonds already: lyn, ae, krys, lexi, pixie, hex, ms.lee, buttercup, bori, fox, rapid, coin, dark, gene, sound, bob, tom, tender and who else? Arrgh, there are so many of them and all of them made the room a wonderful room to stay online. I met cyber people, made cyber friends and it felt very awesome. Spread around the world but connected in a way, people might think online people are men and women with no life but it’s more than that. Being online gives you the freedom to be you without judgment, the chance to be somebody you want to be, it’s your own way of living the life you may not be able to live in the real world.

                No matter what happen, I’ll always stay connected and I will be always appreciative for being part of everyone’s cyber life.

Flyingfox

                As requested, lol, you want me to write about you so here it is.

                Did we just start chatting yesterday? I forgot but promise I’ll never forget you. Well as far as I can remember, it started with this wit about music, playing instruments, having a band and so on. You became the manager who believes it will never work out and believe that nakedness will bring us stardom. Then everybody left and there was three left. Then you became this prophetic dude with lame prophecy. Then there were two but before that we discussed about your gender, am I right? Lol, sorry to say I find it confusing to determine your gender with the name, flying to seems so feminine and yeah fox is male so I’m lost of what you are. You made me believe you were a woman until lyn made it clear that you’re a man so it ended. When we were both left, we ended in pm and there talked a lot.

                Expressing myself, being heard, makes my heart happy and relieved, it feels good to talk and be heard. I guess people around me usually assume that I’m always fine because I tend to smile even if I’m hurt, sad, crying and dying inside. I always wear a mask for I don’t want to bother anyone with my own glitches but I am always there for everyone. Yeah, my life sucks but who cares because now I’m trying to straighten it and live the way I want with freedom and independence.

                Fox, thank you for being my new friend, a friend who flirts and I can flirt back, lol. I am in joy to meet you and make your acquaintances. I’m grateful for everything, hope we stay connected for a very long time.

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                Ouch! This makes me emotional, lol, but I am very gratify with the world of cyber for giving me and allowing me this experience with you people. Stay beautiful and you, most especially stay connected. Love you & muaaah! See you around guys!

The Teacher

They are the most common faces one see for we spend almost 15 years in school. As we always say we are who we are half because of them. Sad to think that they give their life in molding everyone to be the person they are in society but society itself forgets to honor them and see their cause, their importance and them. Every year, we spend ten months with them, almost eight hours every day for five days in a week but do we really know who they are and do we really understand them, so as I am about to say goodbye to the four walls of my classroom, I open up three faces of who this being can be.

The Slayer

                One day on an elementary class, a teacher gave each of her pupils’ peace of a bond paper, she instructed them to draw their dreams on it. Most of the students draw toys, clothes, food and any other kid stuff but one boy draw differently. He draw a resort near the beach with cottages, a pool, a restaurant café, a butterfly garden, a petting zoo, a playground with few rides and four cars. Each of the students passed their worked and as the boy passed his worked, the teacher told him to change his drawing and don’t take the instruction so literal meaning to be a kid like anyone else cause if not she will give him an F.

                The boy went home with trouble in his mind for he didn’t get her teacher because he was only doing what was instructed. The boy told her mom of what happen in school and his mom told him a simple thing, “never allow anybody to take your dreams from you because no can except for your own.” With understanding and determination in his mind, the next day the boy passed the same thing to his teacher and told his teacher that he can accept an F but he will never allow anybody to steal his dream.

                Time passed by and the teacher remained on her profession, one day, she took her class on a field trip and they went to a newly opened resort near the beach with cottages, a pool, a restaurant café, a butterfly garden, a petting zoo, a playground with few rides and four cars. Not even entering and knowing who the owner is, it is the teacher’s gut that she knows who the owner is. As she came near the restaurant, a man approached him, the same young boy whom she gave an F for drawing the literal dream he have. They talked and the teacher feels so ashamed of what she did but the boy told him that, “it was never your intention to be mean or rude but I was just really not acting like every kid should be, it was a shocked but I am happy to firmly stand on what I believe is right and what I want.” The teacher answered the boy, “I never thought what my action may have cause my pupils but I am happy that one little boy never allowed me to slay his own dreams and I am proud of what you have become.”

                The lesson is that we should “never take rejection as rejection itself but take it as a motivation to prove people wrong and be the best person we can be.”

The Motivator

                This story is so known because this can be the best face or identity an educator can have.

                Once there was a teacher like everyone else, she goes to school and do her thing. One day she decided to give a task to her students. She asks them to take a piece of paper, write their name and pass the paper on the next student on the right on clockwise manner. After the students followed the direction, she told them to write the first word that comes in their mind when they see the name on the paper. So the student quietly did the activity, writing and passing the paper, as everyone have written on everyone’s the paper, the paper was returned to the owner and the teacher instructed them to read it. There were so many expressions of shock, amazement and happiness as each student read what their classmates wrote, everyone has pride on their eyes for they never thought how good they look on others and it brought them so much joy.

                Ten years after, all those students have grown and become professionals. One day, they were gathered in a very depressing situation for one of them died. A naughty boy on his childhood who became a soldier died in battle and all those who loved him gathered on one day to bid him goodbye. When the teacher came near the coffin, she saw how a young boy became a man and she was amazed of what he became in his short lived life but a life lived well. The teacher was approached by the boy’s parent and they talked, after awhile the boy’s mother gave the teacher a piece of paper and bid her goodbye. An old piece of paper that has aged through time and was close and open a lot of times, the teacher opened it and saw the boy’s name in his childhood penmanship then she saw all those good words that was written and remembered the activity she once given them. Remembering that day, looking at the boy of what he became brought tears on the teachers eyes, she was sobbing and her old student saw this and approached her to calm her down.

As they were on a circle, they saw the piece of paper and everybody looked back on that day. A man who is now an accountant showed his own piece of paper which he have always kept on his wallet. A couple shared that they keep their own copy on a special box at their room. A woman who became a nurse said that she keeps hers on a drawer at her apartment. A lawyer said that his copy was kept on his library at home in a frame. Everyone there revealed that they all kept their copy and what it did and meant for them. It meant a lot to them, it reminded them of how good they are in times that they are in doubt, it brought them inspiration to be better for they know they are good, it became their driving force. Hearing all this made the teacher cry and smile on the same time for she never thought how a simple activity made a change on her student’s life. as everyone said goodbye, the teacher never felt so much proud of what a simple act had made to her students and she proud to be a teacher, a motivator, an inspiration.

The Mother

  

              There was once a teacher who was so serious about her work. Education is not only her profession but her life. She gave everything for it and almost forgot the life she has outside of it. Every day is school day for five days and weekends are spent to rest or prepare for the week’s lesson. But this educator is not only a teacher but she is a wife, a mother, a grandmother but she was never keen on anything except for her work. Sometimes, she forgot her husband, her kids and even having grandchildren but it was a good thing that her family understands for they know what she did to be in the place she is now. She was poor but she tried to have the proper education she needs and became a teacher, she surpassed poverty and promised herself to make a change by helping molding children into being the professional, the adult they can be for their own self and for society.

                What this teacher never know that as she was making a change in everyone’s life, she is also making a drastic change in her youngest daughter’s life. She was a mother, a mother you can see but can never touch, talked or be with. She seldom do what a mother should do like take care of her child, send her to school, talk to her about stuff, hang out and maybe do girl stuff together. Her child was a good child and did everything right but she was a sad child, missing the idea and feeling of how great having a mother can be but she never revealed this feeling for she was proud of what her mother is doing.

                The child became a teen and went to the college where her own mother is teaching. She knows she can go anywhere but she chose to be close, to at least have the chance of seeing up close her mother, their good teacher. But nothing changed, she is still so far in her grip and the worst thing is that when she does goodness, its fine but when she messed up, she’s the worst person the world ever has. The child became very disappointment in her own self and decides to quit school and be the pain her mother never wanted.

                They became strangers to each other but time passed and the teacher became weak in age and died. During the burial her own child was there to arrange everything and be there at her mother’s last moment. The burial lasted for five days, a lot of visitors cam, young and old, men and women and all of them where her mother’s past and present students. Every time they come, they all have something to say about the woman lying lifeless in the coffin, praises and good words, happy memories. The child was so amazed on what she was hearing but on the same time she feel so clueless of how great a person her mom is. In the end, on her mom’s final day with her own family and the family her mom made in school, she bid goodbye with a smile to the woman who was her absent mother but have been an extraordinary mother, a mentor, a teacher to a lot of different people.

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                These three stories are not all my writings and I admire the writers who wrote it but one of this is of my own. I know it is not right but these articles should be published and spread for life now seems so full of darkness and at times we need a flicker of light to remind us how beautiful life can be despite the hindrances. Most of all, I want to honor our unsung hero, the people who can break or make everyone’s life, the dedicated souls who give and never expect to receive, men and women who take pride in molding people despite the harshness of it, to our slayers, motivators and our mother (second parent), we might not be able to always show our admiration but always know that here in our hearts we always feel a deep gratefulness and appreciation of what you are doing. In times that you feel pissed off about stuff, so depressed and annoyed try looking back, feeling the present and seeing the future of what you an individual can do to make this world a better place to live in. In a simple word, thank you so much! Ma’am, sir, miss, mrs., and mr. ___________________, we are who we are because of what you did and we owe you so much.

Leaving to Live...

The choices I made…

                Looking back, I know how full and perfect my life maybe in the eyes of everyone who is not me but they don’t know that behind that wonderful life they see is the hidden truth. It pains me to talk about what is really happening and what I am feeling but it is just safe to say that not all you see is the truth for I have always been good in hiding the darkness and showing everyone the light for I believe life is too short to stay dark but instead everyone should shine in their own way.

                Now that that is done, the next thing to talk about is the now and the next. Yeah, I run away, I left the life I have always known and everything about it. It was not easy and I know many might think of it as stupid but as I say: “who cares about the judgment, no one can understand for I am the only one who truly feels”. I am never good in showing my ill feelings thus nobody knows how damage I am but now I am giving myself a new start, to build a life that I want. Freedom and independence is not easy for being on your own is not a joke cause it takes a lot of work but then again we are given one life only and we must live it the way we know how and the best way possible.

                Right now, I am on the turning point, thinking everything through and planning what to do. I know what I want and how to do it but as easy as to think of it, putting it in action is so difficult but I’m never giving up for I have already done a lot to turn back. I am not being hard headed but I am allowing myself to breath and live. I have always done what is right and proper, doing what I am told and pleasing everyone except for myself. I have done things not everyone can but it was not given on a silver platter for everything was earned by me through a lot of effort.

                Now that this is out, I am not bothered by my doubts anymore but I have fears in me cause despite leaving, I still do care and feel a lot about everyone. There is no day that I stop thinking and worrying about everyone but it is the main reason why I deprived myself from having the life I want, I need, I earn.  I know I am being selfish but if with it I can feel contentment then maybe I had to be just for once. I have always been a giver so it is about time that I receive.

                Saying goodbye is never easy, how much more not being able to say it but  I know in time, all wounds will be healed and our souls will learn how to be back but ourselves will be better than it used to be.

Quitting

Life is bittersweet, a mixture of two conflicting things. No matter how hard I try to make it sweet, bitterness just know how to catch up. Living is not easy but it doesn't mean that I should stop trying for life maybe full of challenges but when you surpass it, something amazing will happen.

I don't know but no matter how hard I try to do good and straighten things, I end up doing the opposite of it. It seems like I'm so unlucky and I always end up loosing. I am a fighter but when life makes you realize that you don't have a chance, is it right to just stop? I know that quitting won't solve anything but I can no longer handle the hassle that comes my way.

Sometimes, it is just right to just say that it is the end of it and just move on with the next. It is hard to push for something that is impossible but maybe I just lost the will to fight. I know that I am being a great disappointment but I no longer know what to do. I don't know why in my will to do what is right for everyone and please the people around me, I end up falling.

Life is so crooked but it is just the way it is. If I cover myself in misery, nothing will happen. I know that I need to find myself again, to awaken the fire in me and go on. It's not the end of everything for every time that I fall, I have the chance and choice to stand again and redeem myself or at least be able to be me once more.

Falling and falling again is hard but at least I will still be able to go on and besides despite all the bad things, I have a lot of things to be thankful about. For I have people who keep on supporting me and will always be there at my side despite everything I have done.

Life can be mean but quitting is never right...

Stuck in the Past

Life is a long journey, an adventure worth taking. Living is the greatest gift for we are able to see and enjoy everything the world has to offer. It may not last forever but at least the chance of experiencing its ups and downs is amazing.

The past is one of the major reason who we are in the present and will be in the future. It molded us to be the person who we are. It can be yesterday, the days, weeks, months or years before that and more back then. It has its own share of good and bad things but whatever it is, it's still part of who we are.

We may choose to forget about things in the past, pain, sadness, problems and other bad stuff but it doesn't mean that we don't acknowledge it for being part of us. Forgetting and letting go allows us not to get stuck in the past for as long as we think about it or we are being bothered by it, we can never go on for we can't move on. What matters most is living the present by thinking about the lessons we have learned so far and dreaming about the future that is approaching.

Why should we be bothered about something that had happen, are we forgetting the mere fact that we can never erase our past for time that had pass can never be returned. Turning back won't do a thing but in stead let us look ahead for a brighter future. I know that I'm not perfect and never will be but I'm still trying to at least do what is right to be good. I know people will always see and remember me for who I was especially the bad stuff but I don't care for I know that everyone makes mistakes. What will make a difference is how you stand from falling, it will be hard especially if people wants you to fall but in the end, it all depends on you and how you believe.

APO

Me, with my crazy mind and ugly hand writing

There will come a time  that you will feel so alone and on your own, so lost in life. Thinking that darkness may never end and forever you'll suffer but life is kind for it allows a flicker of light. This light symbolizes hope, goodness and happiness for life is not all about bitterness but sweetness too, it's a combination of everything that is conflicting.

When I decided to shift and transfer three years ago, I thought it was just a decision about school and the course I'm taking. I did not know what will happen to me then and I don't know even what to do. But man is great in blending in with everything that is happening thus I know I'll be fine.

Now, well, in deed I'm fine but not so well, I thought I'll never face any conflicts again for I told myself that in this second chance of mine, I'll be simple and normal so that there will be no hassle but I was wrong. In deed, sometimes life just decides for you, it brings you to things that maybe in a way is really for you but your just in denial and too lazy to do it.

When I started my life here at SAC, all I'm planning to do is to be an ordinary student who will just pass the four years life of college in silence. During my first year, I ignored every organization and activity there is in school except of course for the Student Catholic Action of the Philippines/SCAP which I have been part since high school but freshmen year became very ordinary and normal with no hassle except that sometimes I'm being invited by the GSO to host their program.

I thought that it was a good start until days before the opening of my second year that I received a call. I was asked to host the orientation and welcome program for freshmen and transferrees, I thought it was like last year hosting a small program in school but I was so wrong for it marks the beginning of something new for me.

I thought, I was crazy to try it and I'm so nervous that's why I was late

It open my doors to chances and eager as I am, took the chance. It started with me joining the election for remaining officers of the SACSR. The leader in me was awaken, I was inspired to do something not only for myself but for my fellow student. I was elected as councilor and appointed as the secretary. It was a crazy life but a meaningful one, being a leader has always been a life for me but never in my wildest dream that I thought of taking the highest position, taking the lead for I know that I may be capable but I'm lazy. What happen last year was a great changer, being elected as the vice president, I was responsible to step in as the president. I thought the whole world fell in me for I know it was not an easy task but I don't have a choice but to stand and be strong. No matter how hard I try, life opposes me with my laziness, misunderstandings, conflicts and my sickness became barriers which hinders me to do things I wanted to do. I know that I'm the worst president that have ever been in the position but what will I do if I'm all alone. But no matter how bad life has been, I'm thankful for the chance I was given. I know that it has not been a good journey but the lessons learned are beyond anything and surely will help me to be a better person.

The early days, attending seminars together, learning things that would help in developing us as writers

SACTV, an experience we shared together

seeing  and experiencing things happen together

enjoying the lights

we're not only an organization but in deed we're a family

I'm happy and blessed to meet and be surrounded with these people

The change I must face but thank you so much for being there always at my side

Nothing can beat my pub life

the past, present and future

many may come and go but the memories will stay forever

the journey we must take may be long but we will get there no matter what

we may be together or alone in the end but we will be connected forever

I'm the kind of person who is never contented with life thus it's no shock that I joined the Anthonian Publication too. Writing had always been my outlet in expressing what I truly feel but I know I'm not good at it for I lack training but it did not hinder me in trying to apply for the school publication. My aim was just to pass and be a writer but I'm so blessed to be chosen as the Assistant Magazine Editor. Pub life is quite different, surrounded by different type of people with same passion in writing. They all have something which makes the office special, the conflicting attitudes, the mood swings, the unending talks, the silent treatments and a lot of other things made the pub our very own paradise and hell. Paradise in a sense that it is our office which we truly feels that we belong, our own tambayan especially when we don't feel like listening to our classes, our free movie house, snack bar and finally it's just our home away from home. Hell in a way that it's hot every time deadlines approaches and we get silent treatments because of our being pasaway which turns us staffers to hating the office, the publication and most of all our EIC who we love so much but hate a lot when she's turned into this bitch, hehehe.

I have come a long way being a writer, my skills really did improved for I just don't know how to write but I was able to write articles which are worthy to be published. I learned the difference between a news, column, editorial, feature, reviews, sports news, stories and poems. The feeling of expressing yourself and allowing people to relate to it. Seeing your name in the by line, seeing or hearing people's reaction about your article, receiving praises from your readers but the best feeling is just being able to write and expressing what you feel, it's a good way of relieving your stress.

Being part of the publication did not only developed me as a writer but it gave me the chance to meet great people whom I now consider as my good and close friends. People whom I trusted a lot, the people whom I shared a lot of secrets, people whom I can allow myself to be me when I'm with them, the only people who saw me cry my heart out and smile and be happy absolutely. People whom I treasure a lot and I'm very thankful to be with, you made my stay at school the best time of my college years.

The publication, the office, you staffers are the great things of being at SAC. The moments we have shared together, seminars or contest, our adventures and even the normal days at the office are memories that I'll never forget. I know that I have been gone lately, away from you and being an inactive member and I'm very sorry about it. God knows how much I wanted to be a staffer but I'm just in a situation that I don't know anymore what to do and to prioritize, is it my sinking studies, my hell responsibility as the president or the happy life at the pub. I know that I could not do everything, I need to choose but I can't and maybe it's better this way but I know it's not right. Life in hell will be gone soon, few more months and I'm out, school and my studies will be the same and I hope that the publication will still open its door for me and give me the chance to redeem myself.

I know how lost I am right now but my hopes are high and I'll do my best to be back on track. As I have always said, it's not the end of everything as long as your breathing and alive. Life is full of chances despite the challenges and choices that comes your way. As the publication had taught me that life is like an article, nothing will be published if you won't right a thing but in order to write you need research, experiences, adventures and a lot of other stuff. It is not easy but the fulfillment is beyond anything after seeing that article being read by somebody for beyond those articles are stories of ups and downs of you as a writer, beyond it are hidden adventures you have taken just to be able to write the articles and most of all, those are expressions of your feelings within.

We decide for our self and we are the one who makes our life the way it is and what we need to do is do the WRITE thing. 

Negative Vibes?

Life is not always perfect as the happy endings on fairy tales. It has antagonist which is so hard to defeat but it is possible. We just need a bright mind, a strong heart and an eager soul.

Depressions…

I know that nobody could be perfect but why can’t I be contented for being me. I mean I know my weaknesses but I don’t do a thing to change it. On the same time, I always see myself as somebody who is not worthy of appreciations while I envy a lot of people.

I know that the first thing to do in order to be seen as somebody by others is by seeing me first that way. I know that I should not look down on myself for I’m not but I keep on doing it. The problem is that I don’t have the drive to go and prove myself for maybe life has brought me a lot of rejections thus I started to give up. But life is too short to stay in despair, I should act and do something, make a change even how hard it could be.

Hardships…

The moment I have known about my condition, I felt so weak. I thought life has cursed me but I know I still can do a lot of things. But what the mind can’t think is impossible if the body won’t permit it. But no matter what, I’ll never give up on live for I want to live and be young, wild and free.

Sadness…

Sometimes, I feel so alone and now I feel so sad more especially in his coming absence. But life is not always served on a silver platter so I understand. But I can’t deny how painful it is to be on your own. Indeed, life is better if you shared it with other people for no man is an island. Sadness is just the absence of happiness and so bring back the joy and start smiling.

Problems…

Life’s challenges are unending and it depend on us on how we face it. We can ignore it that seems like it never existed, we can try solving it and quit when we can’t handle it any longer or be strong and defeat it. For every problem is chance to learn and grow and be the person you can be proud of. Glitch are just test to see how strong we are in facing the adventures life has to offer.

I know time will come that all of this will be gone and in the end it will leave you lessons. In the end, we make our own problem so let’s be cautious in the journey we venture. Problems can be stressfull but life without stress is death for living means facing obstacles.

Be strong and be proud to be you for life is given once and once you allowed something to pass your way, it will be so hard to bring back those finished things. Hope and confidence is what we need to pursue this life of ours…

Pasaway ako...

It’s so hard if all your life, you have tried to be good to please people and then in a blink of an eye, all will be change because of a single mistake. I know I’m not perfect and I always do what is wrong but not to the extent of dangering myself and other people. Is it so wrong to follow what my heart desires, to enjoy and be happy with life? I know I’m wrong to keep it as a secret but will people understand us and accept us openly? I don’t want to hide from the people I love but I’m just looking for the right time but I guess there’s none. Please understand my undertakings and give me time for soon I will be doing what is right.

Despite my withholdings, be assured that I always think of what is right and proper. I always think of what people will say but does it matter what others think and should I care. No matter how hard we try to do what is right people will always judge and say something bad. It does not matter if you’re close or distant because people are such judgmental but you know I don’t care and it does not affect me at all for what matters is me, him and my family.

Good thing my family is so great, they understand and is open about everything. It is so great to be with people who loves and does not judge. People who supports, no matter what other people say, they who believe and trust despite all the rumors. I know that sometimes, I feel so unlucky but life never forgets to remind me that I’m such a lucky gal.

Yeah! Life can’t be always perfect but it does not matter for all I’m after is to live, love and laugh. Now, I truly have it all and I wish it stays like that for a long time or forever if it can be. I don’t care if what other people thinks about it because what matters more is what I think and feels about it. Challenges are normal and with great people on my side, I can always surpass it. In the end, life is indeed simple but it is not that easy. Smile and the whole world will, laugh and they will be bitter but don’t mind them cause you know sometimes, you only need one rotten fruit to damage everything if you allow it.

I don't know...

God knows how hard I try to give us a chance, to teach my heart to fall for somebody right but then it made me realized in the end that it is really hard to teach your heart how to love for it knows how to. You're such an amazing person, I will be forever grateful to have met you and be your friend. You're one of the closest guy in my life and that's the problem for once your in my friends zone, you can no longer go elsewhere. Hope that no matter what happen, our friendship will still be the same. I know that I'll hurt you but I pray that time will heal all the wounds that I might cause. My love for you is different but it's not for something of romantic in a way but please keep in mind that you matter a lot to me and whatever happen, you'll always be the best friend I'm happy and thankful to have.

Right is the perfect word to describe you

I myself can't believe that it's true

Charming and loving you have always been

Helping me in everything I face

And being there to give me strength

Ready to do anything for my sake

Dreaming I may thought but you're so real

Being you might be so hard

Accepting and living life perfectly despite the imperfections

Building a better world out of nothing

Everything is possible for you too bad us is not part of it

I have tried to think about the best way to do it but I know there is no such thing. If only I can divide myself into two then everything would work out but still I doubt if my other half can love you. You have been the few angels in my life and I'm so afraid of loosing you but making a fool out of you is not what I want. I know that I must do what I ought to do and hope that fate would be good and make the sailing of our bond, perfectly smooth.

Stress Go Away...

What started as a great day turned out being bad. I know I'm not doing what is always right but I have my reasons and if only you know. I'm not the kind of person who is open about everything and who can always express my feelings. I don't want to bother people about my difficulties in life, I face my own sorrows even if it means I'm on my own. I know chances only knocks once but it is so unfair that others are being let go while I'm always considered the offender. Sometimes doing your best and being on the center of everyone's attention is not a good thing for at times when you make mistakes, it is seen so badly and you're being judged without even given the chance of defending yourself. Life is not cruel but the people your living with and the worst thing is that they are the worst people in the world and they're the meanest. I don't care what you think or say about me as long as I know that what I'm doing is right and I'm not pulling other people down. I know that no matter how hard I try to do what is right, people will always have something bad to say...

I know that I will never be perfect

Have my fairy tale ending

And be forever ecstatic in my fantasy

The truth is life can be so cruel

Everything is possible and impossible

Yet, I should never loose hope

Oasis may be very hard to find

Ultimately it can be a loss but never forget the chance of winning

I'm Sorry...

I know my mistakes, I know I'm wrong but I'm just human. With all my faults, I learn from it and grow to being stronger and more confident. I know I will never be perfect nor even right but I know what is wrong from right. I know I always cause you pain but please understand that I'm just venturing the adventure life has to offer. I know you won't always understand but please be kind and don't make a big deal out of everything. I'm old enough to decide for myself despite the fact that I'm still dependent on you but can you just be supportive and give me space.

Growing up, you have always been at my side, guiding and providing me with everything I need and want. I know how blessed I am and I'm very thankful but there will come a time that I need to be on my own. I know you only want the best for me but nobody knows what I want and need more than me, myself. I want to express myself but talking will just make things worse but I know my silence is doing the same. I know saying sorry is not enough but please have fate in me cause whoever I will be it's all because of you. For everything I'll do, I'll always think of you, your lessons and teachings will be always in my mind, heart and soul.

Journey in life was made simple for us

Entirely, it was because of you

No words can best describe you

Nothing can go wrong,

If you were always at our side

From the beginning you were there

Everything, we owe it to you

Repaying you will never be enough

Cash is no good at all

Only one thing is suitable for you

Love that is true, pure and endless

One thing that we can give you forever

Memories we shared

Every breath I breathe

Reminds me of you