Notion...

                Life is so precious, every moment matters, whether good or bad, it made everything the way it is because of each single instances but still time will come when you think back about the past. The wrong things you did, the bad situation, the ugly moments, you want them all to be repeated, to be erased, to be forgotten but time passed could not be return anymore, all we have is memories.

                Looking back in the dark lane of life can be hideous but it can also be worth to remind one self and to learn from it. After all, nobody is perfect and nobody is meant for perfection for uniqueness will be gone once it can be achieved. Instead of thinking about those lame stuffs just think of the lessons it gave, the experience and the feeling it caused.

Mind over matter

                Living alone is never easy, the hardest part is sustaining life itself physically or primarily financially. Thinking about the past, remind me of how dumb was I, not thinking about the future but only the present and my own happiness. My lavish spending may not be grandeur as rich people are but in my level, it was too much. Especially because I never thought how extravagant I am living, I thought I was just fine. The time when I lost an earring, a necklace or a ring, any fine jewelry that always has meanings for it was given by people who are dear to me but I was careless to take care of it when I was younger. But it was even dumber of me to pawn it and never took it back. Those jewelries are just physical matters but I never thought it’s essence for survival until now that I have nothing.

Me and my big mouth

                I have always been the talkative one but I don’t talk senseless, I know that for a fact. I never thought I’ll lose my voice, my confidence in expressing my thoughts, feelings and my soul but I am now. Seems like I lost the will and the urge of saying something for the fear of making a mistake, I remember how mean of me to stay stuff that was brought more of my anger than what I should really say. The words I can say as judgments not even thinking of giving a doubt or knowing more. Yeah, sometimes my brain really shut down just to allow my stupid big mouth to blabber so I always need to be cautious.

Mistakes after mistakes

                I don’t agree with the idea that man makes mistakes just simply because of being human for we have brains to think, heart to feel and a soul to connect everything but still we end up doing wrong things. one thing I know and I’m sure is that we know we are making a mistake and we know it is wrong but still we continue in doing it for the brain is sometimes get pause simply because we want to. I know it is wrong but sometimes we distract our self from what is supposed to be in order to have what we want to be. Selfless it is at times and we forgot reality that in the end we suffer the consequences of those decisions and actions. The dumbest thing is not learning from it and repeating it again and again then we just say sorry for being humans. We are given brain to use it not to shut it down and whether we have an idea or not of what we are doing, in the end we must be ready for the effects of our choices and acts. After all, nothing happens unless we allow it to happen, we hold the path on where our life will go.

                Yeah, I am dumb so what? I don’t care because that is who we are as humans, we are dumb and living is learning, understanding everything in order to make life worthwhile. It is heart breaking and may cause sadness even tears but we should never forget the teachings it give in order to lead our path, maybe not in the right way but at least in the path where we are meant to be.