Leaving to Live...

The choices I made…

                Looking back, I know how full and perfect my life maybe in the eyes of everyone who is not me but they don’t know that behind that wonderful life they see is the hidden truth. It pains me to talk about what is really happening and what I am feeling but it is just safe to say that not all you see is the truth for I have always been good in hiding the darkness and showing everyone the light for I believe life is too short to stay dark but instead everyone should shine in their own way.

                Now that that is done, the next thing to talk about is the now and the next. Yeah, I run away, I left the life I have always known and everything about it. It was not easy and I know many might think of it as stupid but as I say: “who cares about the judgment, no one can understand for I am the only one who truly feels”. I am never good in showing my ill feelings thus nobody knows how damage I am but now I am giving myself a new start, to build a life that I want. Freedom and independence is not easy for being on your own is not a joke cause it takes a lot of work but then again we are given one life only and we must live it the way we know how and the best way possible.

                Right now, I am on the turning point, thinking everything through and planning what to do. I know what I want and how to do it but as easy as to think of it, putting it in action is so difficult but I’m never giving up for I have already done a lot to turn back. I am not being hard headed but I am allowing myself to breath and live. I have always done what is right and proper, doing what I am told and pleasing everyone except for myself. I have done things not everyone can but it was not given on a silver platter for everything was earned by me through a lot of effort.

                Now that this is out, I am not bothered by my doubts anymore but I have fears in me cause despite leaving, I still do care and feel a lot about everyone. There is no day that I stop thinking and worrying about everyone but it is the main reason why I deprived myself from having the life I want, I need, I earn.  I know I am being selfish but if with it I can feel contentment then maybe I had to be just for once. I have always been a giver so it is about time that I receive.

                Saying goodbye is never easy, how much more not being able to say it but  I know in time, all wounds will be healed and our souls will learn how to be back but ourselves will be better than it used to be.